Matt:
My brother is a liar, my sister is a cheat
My father's selling cigarettes to children on our street
I caught my mom in bed with the emir of Kuwait
It's those family values that make America great

Andy:
My grandpa's got a hobby collecting Nixon stamps
And decals of Old Glory made in Chinese prison camps
He says, "There oughta be a license who can procreate!"

All:
It's those family values that make America great

Kenny:
My brother loves his baby, that's what he calls his gun
His mom, his dad, his kids, his dog and all his wives have one
Now he's declared his living room an independent state

All:
It's those family values that make America great

All (Matt singing lead):
If we could all just be more like a family
We would all be moseyin' back to where it's cozy in Mayberry RFD
If we'd all just pray and look the other way
We would all be more at ease with the old authorities
Onward to yesterday, that's what I say

Doug:
My uncle won't be happy 'til Castro's overthrown
And every single orphan has a laptop of his own
He thinks that gays who marry should be sent to heaven straight

All:
It's those family values that make American great

All:
We had a nice Thanksgiving, to Grandma's we did go
We thank the Lord for razor wire and AM radio

All (Kenny singing lead):
We love the human family, it's our relatives we hate

All (Matt singing lead):
It's those family values that make America great
 

Note from Joan: The Foremen performed this song in their live shows throughout their career, but it never made it to record. The above sound file is the post-Roy Foremen (Andy Corwin, Kenny Rhodes, Doug Whitney & Matt Cartsonis), performing the song live on the Dr. Demento Show. To read or listen to their entire interview on the Dr. Demento Show, go here.

For information on "Family Values" as a political buzz phrase, check this Wikipedia article (the neutrality of which is disputed).

The "Family Values" sound file appears
Courtesy of The Dr. Demento Show — Talonian Productions